Jun 29th 2010 : The Sun
May 10th 2010
Oct 6th 2009
BBC News : Aussie Fans Face Tough Restriction Of 24 Cans Of Beer or 4 Litres Of Wine A Day(!!!)
“…Spectators at the Bathurst 1000 – a three-day race meeting staged this week – will be told to stick to just the one “slab” of beer while at the racetrack. Wine-drinkers must also show restraint, facing a four litres per day limit…”
(image also from BBC news story)
Had heard of a six-pack, a case, but never a slab. And 4 LITRES of wine ? I can’t do 4 litres of WATER a day. Maybe a similar limit is required on all Aussies interacting with immigrant students after 9PM – that and a ban on carrying screwdrivers if drunk ought to solve the carving-up-helpless-students problem. Imagine running into that (above center) “restrained” guy at 10PM in a dark alley.
May 5th 2009
Dec 2nd 2008
Another one from the book “Indexed” by Jessica Hagy.
Aug 14th 2008
FT : Olympic Trickery
…..The stunning, widely used footage of firework “footprints” leading to the Olympic stadium during the opening ceremony was, it transpires, computer-generated. We now know why a film director was asked to run the event. Lin Miaoke, the little girl who apparently sang the Chinese anthem, was in fact lip-synching to the voice of another little girl. A meeting involving a politburo member decided that although Yang Peiyi was the best singer, she was not pretty enough to take part in the ceremony. She should be heard, but not seen…..The reality is that the faults officials were trying to correct are not faults at all. No one would have complained that China had not followed its creeping barrage of fireworks with a helicopter. The little girl rejected as the face of the opening ceremony may have had imperfect teeth – but little girls usually do…..
Jul 23rd 2008
Singh Is King, Hindustan Times
A supporter in Indore holds a poster of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh reading ‘Singh is King’ while celebrating UPA’s win at trust vote in the Parliament, in Indore on Tuesday, July 22, 2008. “Singh Is King” is the latest Bollywood blockbuster.
Jun 7th 2008
“Beijing Issues Olympics Clapping Guide”, Financial Times
“China’s ruling Communist party and Beijing organisers have issued the official guideline on Olympics cheering to ensure crowds clap properly during the summer games. Designed to help spectators cheer in a “smooth and civilised manner”, the four-step clapping method highlights Beijing’s determination to make a success of the games, which open on August 8…..To promote the approved clapping method, there will be “unified training” for the 800,000 school pupils and students to be given tickets for games events, with youth delegates already taking a public oath to “spread the Olympic spirit” to surrounding spectators.”
Apr 22nd 2008
Another one from the book “Indexed” by Jessica Hagy.
Mar 13th 2008
“Stay With SHPRITZER, Smart Lady”, Cindy Adams, New York Post
“…and now Spitzer the shpritzer. But while the world addresses his situation legally and politically, I want only to address his wife. I want to tell her – so what. She may not longer be New York’s first lady, but a husband hooking up with a hooker is not reason enough to no longer be a married lady. Sex, a primal need, outpoints fear, hunger and love as mankind’s No. 1 driving force. Unless you’re a pig or a monk, many an able-bodied – and I use that term deliberately – 48-year-old husband of 21 years has grazed. I’m not advocating it. I’m merely saying, so what? It’s like takeout food. Less work for mother…..Paying a pro isn’t disrespect to his wife. Disrespect is keeping, supporting, housing a mistress with whom there’s an ongoing relationship and with whom you share not only time but emotions and thoughts and life. Disrespect is dumping into a trash bin that partner, long out of the workforce after giving her all including her youth, to marry whatever new twinkie works your male menopausal pinky. This “f – – – ing steamroller” didn’t do either. If he did, it wouldn’t be enough for his wife to hate him – we’d all hate him…..”
Feb 28th 2008
From the book “Indexed” by Jessica Hagy. Caption on her blog said “B & C hate each other”. So true.
Jan 22nd 2008
Tim Toles in The Washinton Post. Clever.
Dec. 11th 2007
This one’s ALL mine (and pure genius, IMHO).
Question : What’s common between Marion Barry and Michael Vick besides the fact that they are both DC area ex-heroes arrested for illegal activities as a result of federal sting operations ?
Answer : Their last words before incarceration – “Bitch set me up”.
Nov. 20th 2007
AP : Sex scandal hits Atlanta-area megachurch
The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother’s wife and fathered a child by her…..The secret was exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test. In truth, this is not the first — or even the second — sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church…..The living proof of that lie is 34-year-old D.E. Paulk, who for years was known publicly as Earl Paulk’s nephew…..The archbishop, his brother and the church are being sued by former church employee Mona Brewer, who says Earl Paulk manipulated her into an affair from 1989 to 2003 by telling her it was her only path to salvation…..
A Wholly Unholy Affair : Firstly, this is not at all about Christianity – so no offense intended here. I am recording this story for it’s utter absurdity. In the times we live in, this could’ve happened in any place of “worship”. Here’s what cracked me up : the guy doing the fathering (no pun intended) is frickin’ 80 and although the “issue” in question is 34 years old, the lawsuit is about a bangin’ as recently as when dude was 76 !! Some serious mojo “under the veil” here. Fell off my chair imagining the “blow me to get to heaven” line. Go baby, go !
Oct. 12th 2007
The Times Headline : England’s Pitbull
Now, I’m no expert, but that looks like a REAL pitbull to me. The Times says Rooney is the “the ‘quiet family man’ who is straining at the leash to give his best for England after a frustrating seven months”. The use of the word “leash” crosses the line, in my opinion, especially given the picture.
Aug 16th 2007
FT : James Carville On Carl Rove …..Mr Rove was the architect of social security reform, immigration, the hiring and firing of justice department officials and the placement of literally thousands of ideologically driven buffoons throughout the US government. As deputy chief of staff he was also responsible for handling the White House post-Katrina reconstruction efforts. On these actions, history has already rendered its judgment on Mr Rove. And, as we say in Louisiana, “it ain’t pretty”. When it comes to judging Mr Rove’s political career, I am reminded of Chinese premier Zhou Enlai’s meeting with Henry Kissinger in the 1970s, when Mr Kissinger asked, “What do you think of the French Revolution?” Enlai replied: “It’s too soon to tell.” If the trends hold, the one thing that we can be sure of is that Mr Rove’s political grave will receive no lack of irrigation from future Republicans…..
Jul 28th 2007
FT : NASA astranauts drunk before flight
After the recent “estranged astranaut lover” attempted kidnap/murder story – poorly planned, BTW, and involving the use of diapers so as to optimize the flight path from Houston to a Florida parking lot (!!) – we now have this : …Nasa astronauts who turned up to work drunk were authorised to fly on two occasions, even after warnings from doctors that they posed a potential flight-safety risk, according to a report issued on Friday. The independent report on astronaut health found “heavy use of alcohol” before launch, a practice in violation of the US space agency’s set 12-hour “bottle-to-throttle” rule… Dude, NASA has got to be the greatest enterprise ever assembled to oversee the deliberate criminal wastage of scarce human resources. Ever. I cannot think of another instance, of a similar scale of such colossal waste, in human history – Star Trek obsessed Captain Kirk wanna-be’s flying around in their little space suits lookin’ for Martians.NASA’s mission statement should now read something like this : To boldly go where no drunkards or obsessive-compulsive types have gone before. Insane, people – even by the standards of the “civilised West” !!
Jul 6th 2007
Financial Times : Australia Warns China
Jun 16th 2007
Yahoo News, Hindustan Times : Rajnikant Mania Grips India
Tamil superstar Rajnikant’s latest film ‘Sivaji: The Boss’ released Friday in Kerala, with ticket seekers queuing up in at least three theatres here from the previous night. Few missed the opportunity to catch the long-awaited movie made with a whopping budget of over US$15 million, overtaking the 2002 Bollywood film Devdas. With Sivaji, Rajinikanth becomes the highest paid actor in India receiving US$5 million for his portrayal of the title character. It is being released in 40 theatres in Hyderabad city alone. Breaking all records, even for the movies of the most popular Telugu stars, ‘Sivaji’ is commanding a whopping Rs.1,500 per ticket in the black market. In Malaysia, the film is reportedly booked over the next three weeks at 52 screens. In Seattle, fans converged from all over the US for a special Friday night premiere. Rajnikant is hugely popular even in South-East and East Asia, particularly in Japan. In the run up to the release, fans had ceremonies like ‘pal avishekam’ (milk bath) on Rajni’s cardboard cutouts. Many delirious fans in Kerala too had taken out Rajni processions in various cities.
Jun 9th 2007
FT : Putin Compares Himself To Mahatma Gandhi
Dude, the G8 is totally out of control. I think they should outsource the workings of this organization so they can get people with IQ’s greater than 75 talking about the world’s problems. Here’s the Putin quote from the FT that made me laugh :…..”Am I a ‘pure democrat’? Of course I am, absolutely,” Mr Putin said. “The problem is that I’m all alone, the only one of my kind in the world . . . There is no one to talk to since Mahatma Gandhi died.”…..
You have got to be kiddin’ me man !!
May 18th 2007
Chicago Billboard : “Life’s short. Get a divorce.”
Seemed to stir people’s emotions against lawyers. Hmmmm…I wonder why…Strange…
Apr 26th 2007
McCain’s Presidential Bid (FT)
He was recently criticised for saying that his recent walk-about in a Baghdad market proved the “surge” strategy was working, in spite of needing 100 US soldiers and attack helicopters to protect him. Last week he made another mis-step when he answered a question about Iran at a campaign rally by briefly singing a parody of the Beach Boys surf-rock classic Barbara Ann with the chorus “bomb bomb bomb/bomb bomb Iran.”
Apr 20th 2007
Abhishek/Aishwarya wedding arrangements (Times)
Only a select group of about 200 – modest by Indian standards – received the invitations…More than 500 police officers will be stationed at the Bachchan family house in Bombay, to control the fans expected to gather for a glimpse of their idols…Extinguishers will reportedly be on hand in case people set themselves on fire…